Conard County Marine Read online

  “I read the papers,” he said as he perched on the edge of the couch. “Maybe it’s dumb to mention it, but I just want you to know how happy I am that you’re okay. Except...you can’t remember? That’s a good thing, right?”

  She’d already heard that more times than she wanted to count. Not being able to remember the attack was a blessing. Losing three years of her life fell into an entirely different category. She cleared her throat, not wanting to delve into this. “I’m glad I don’t remember the attack.” Leave it alone, Todd. Please leave it alone.

  “I’m sure you are.” He frowned faintly. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know what people are supposed to say. Never did this before.”

  “Me, either.”

  Then his smile returned, the smile that had once, all too briefly, attracted her. “I guess we’re all going to be ham-handed for a while. So are you glad to be home? Or is life around here too boring now?”

  “How would I know?”

  Kylie looked down, realizing she had just rudely ended the conversation. Worse, she didn’t even feel like apologizing for it. What was wrong with her?

  But before she could figure out how to ease her blunt question, she heard the side door in the kitchen open. Fear slammed her yet again.

  *

  Feeling like an extra wheel, Coop had left the ladies to eat their dinner, saying he needed a stroll before dining himself. Walking the streets of Conard City was slowly becoming a pleasure for him. No need to wonder what was around every corner or behind every building. Just nice people, when he ran into them, who smiled and gave him a friendly nod. A lot of them seemed to know he was Connie’s cousin, which he suspected eased his way. At least he didn’t get regarded with suspicion.

  He toyed with the idea of moving to the motel, to give Kylie space, then cast it aside. Glenda had generously offered him a place to stay while he visited, and he didn’t want to offend her in some way.

  As for his cousin and her brood...every time he thought of those three high-energy kids—two of their own and a daughter who was older, from Connie’s previous marriage—he had to grin. They were a handful of boundless energy, especially the two youngest. Connie and Ethan both worked, and by the time the evening was drawing to a close, whichever of them was around for the bedtime chores had started to look exhausted.

  He tried to help, but Ethan was right: his presence seemed to excite the youngsters more. He hoped that would pass as they got used to having him around or Connie was apt to beg him never to visit again.

  He suddenly realized that light had almost faded from the day and he switched course to head back to the house. Glenda would be at work, and Kylie would be alone. While he wasn’t sure Kylie really wanted him around, Glenda had mentioned that she’d feel better if Kylie weren’t left in solitude, at least for a while.

  Coop understood. Regardless of her inability to remember, Kylie had lost her basic sense of safety. The unimaginable had happened to her. Being alone, even in a familiar house, might be difficult for a while.

  So he’d play it by ear. If she wanted him to disappear, he’d go up to his room. She’d still know someone was in the house if something frightened her.

  Glenda’s car was gone when he got back to the house, but a different one was parked out front. An old friend? Nevertheless, he sped up his pace, just in case Kylie was nervous.

  When he got to the house, he let himself in the side door and heard voices coming from the living room. A man’s voice. Kylie’s rarer and quieter. He made no secret of his approach. A big man, he could be stealthy or noisy as the situation demanded. Right now he chose noisy.

  Two lamps had been turned on in the living room. Kylie sat nearly huddled in an armchair, facing a handsome man of about her age, maybe late twenties, who sat on the couch with legs splayed and his elbows resting on his knees. Leaning toward her. In an instant Coop gathered that Kylie was subtly leaning away as best she could. Body language spoke volumes.

  “Am I interrupting?” Coop asked.

  “No...no...” Kylie said tautly. “Come in.”

  The man on the couch stood immediately, smiling broadly. “Todd Jamison. Kylie and I grew up together. Just thought I’d see how she was doing.”

  Todd offered his hand and Coop returned the smile as he shook it. “Evan Cooper, just call me Coop.” But even as he made the pleasant greeting, he was also ticking off a catalog. The guy was a little over average height, fit and looking like he could have stepped off the cover of GQ, rancher’s edition. Jeans, a white shirt, all neatly pressed, and boots that had been highly polished. Brown hair artfully tousled. A fashion plate.

  But then Coop met his dark gaze, and felt the back of his neck prickle. He’d seen eyes like that before, the emptiness of men who’d seen too much on a battlefield. “You military?” he asked casually.

  “Never had the honor,” Todd answered easily. “No, I’m a financial adviser. I work from home here but have to travel a lot. I just got back in town and wanted to check on Kylie.”

  “I’m fine,” Kylie said, the slightest edge in her voice.

  It struck Coop as a dismissal, but not Todd apparently. Instincts were kicking in, and although Coop already had the lay of the land, he scanned the room quickly again. Cabbage-rose couch from a past era, the armchair in which Kylie sat, reasonably new, a recliner that was old enough it creaked when it was extended, a glass-fronted bookcase, a flat-screen TV...nothing out of place. He was probably overreacting, which wouldn’t surprise him given the last few years of his life, but then his gaze settled on Kylie again, the way she seemed to have shrunk. Todd might be an old friend, but she wasn’t welcoming him with much warmth.

  Wondering if he should try to do something about what was clearly an uncomfortable situation for Kylie, his thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of the front doorbell. He looked at Kylie. “Want me to get it?”

  “Why not?” She didn’t exactly sound happy about it.

  Shrugging inwardly, he went to open the door, wondering if maybe all Kylie had wanted tonight was to be by herself. Maybe Glenda worried too much about her being alone.

  He opened the door and a strawberry blonde breezed through. Two steps in, she froze and scanned him head to foot. “My, my,” she said, “you must be Coop. I’m Ashley. Ashley Granger. Kylie knows me from way back.”

  Before Coop could do anything but close the door behind her, Ashley had stepped into the living room, and he was relieved to hear genuine pleasure in Kylie’s voice as she said, “Ashley!”

  “It’s been too long, girl,” Ashley answered.

  A moment later he rounded the door frame to see the women hugging. Todd stood to one side, smiling faintly.

  A regular convocation. Suddenly feeling like an intruder, Coop decided to go make some coffee. It’d give these three old friends some time together.

  But just as he was turning away, he heard Ashley address Todd, and her tone caused him to hesitate.

  “I’m surprised to see you, Todd. You avoided Kylie for a long time after she turned you down for the prom.”

  Todd laughed easily. “Sheesh, Ashley, that was a long time in the past. I got over it ages ago. Of course I wanted to make sure Kylie is okay.”

  “Me, too,” said Ashley, then turned back to Kylie. “So I want to know everything.”

  Kylie blinked, her face tightening, then sank into her chair again. “Everything? I don’t remember anything!”

  Ashley dropped to a knee beside her and took her hand. “I don’t mean about that, Kylie. You know that.” Her voice had gentled. “I mean about now—how you’re feeling, are you glad to be home? That’s okay, right?”

  Coop had to resist the urge to throw everyone out right now. Not his decision, not his house. But he didn’t like the way Kylie was looking. And these were her friends?

  But Ashley remained gentle and concerned and Kylie began to relax a bit. Todd on the other hand seemed to get a different message.

  “I’ll be going,” he said. “C
all me if you need anything at all, Kylie. I’ll see you again soon. You just take care of yourself.”

  One problem solved, Coop thought as Todd let himself out. Then he looked at the women. “I guess I should make myself scarce.”

  Kylie shook her head and Ashley looked directly at him. “I don’t mind you being here. It’s up to Kylie.”

  “Stay,” Kylie said, sounding stronger. “I was just shocked to see Todd. We haven’t had much to do with each other since high school. I mean, we’ve been casual friends, but he’s not the first person I would have expected to show up.”

  “Curiosity visit,” Ashley said sharply. “You’ll probably get a lot of those. But not me,” she added with a smile. “I promise. I just want to know how you are now, and Marisa, Connie and Julie designated me.” She looked up at Coop. “We’ve been a gang forever. And would you please sit?”

  “You could take a seat yourself,” he answered humorously, but accepted the hint, settling onto one end of the couch. Towering over the women probably wasn’t very comforting to either of them. “Oh, I wondered about coffee. Anyone?”

  “No thanks,” came two prompt responses. Ashley sat on the other end of the couch. “So everyone wants to know how you’re feeling. Still worn out by everything? Getting your energy back? Julie wanted to have a Scrabble night but decided we ought to find out if you were up to it yet.”

  “Not yet. Thanks. These big waves of fatigue just wash over me from time to time.”

  And waves of fear, Coop suspected. Then he took the bull by the horns. It had to be hard for Kylie to dance around things, and she already looked tired. “It’s a lot to deal with, not remembering the last few years, recovering physically, moving home with your sister. It’d wear anyone out, I’d think.”

  Kylie surprised him with a crooked smile. “But aren’t you always on the go?”

  “Well, yes,” he admitted. “But I’ve had years to get used to it. You’re probably used to being more settled.”

  “I was. Once. I don’t know about recently.”

  The stark honesty drew silence from both Coop and Ashley. They exchanged a quick look, then Coop rose. “I want that coffee. I’ll be back in a few.”

  The least he could do was give Kylie the time to talk freely with Ashley. If she could. No question that he was the odd man out, and acutely aware of it. He listened to the murmur of their voices from the kitchen and nodded to himself. Give the ladies some time alone. It might do Kylie a world of good.

  *

  “He’s a hunk,” Ashley remarked after Coop walked away.

  “I guess.” Which was kind of an evasive comment, Kylie thought as she heard herself. She had noticed he was a hunk. She just wasn’t interested in hunks or much else right now except the constant wondering about all she’d forgotten. The memory loss left her feeling unsettled. Uneasy. Unable to really trust herself, never mind anyone else.

  “So what’s the hardest part and what can I do?” Ashley asked. “Anything?”

  Kylie rose at last and walked slowly around the living room, touching familiar items as if they could connect her to the past that had a great gaping hole in it. Her ribs still ached, and she felt scars on her body stretch a complaint, but it wasn’t that bad anymore. “I honestly don’t know, Ashley. All I know is that it’s scary to have forgotten so much. I didn’t even recognize my own apartment, or most of what was in it.”

  “That would be...eerie. Weird.”

  “It is. I mean, I could tell I lived there, the signs were everywhere, but I couldn’t remember it. The only things I recognized were things I had before I moved to Denver.”

  “Creepy,” Ashley said. “My God, that’s got to be a scary feeling, Kylie. I can’t imagine it.”

  “Don’t even try. It’s hard enough to explain.” Weariness washed over her again. It had been a long day. She returned to her chair and tried to smile. “Some of it may come back. In fact, they seem sure that some of it will. The thing is, it probably won’t be enough to make up for those semesters in school that I can’t remember now. I don’t know if I even want to try again.”

  Ashley nodded sympathetically. “The nice thing is you don’t have to decide now. Glenda is thrilled to have you back. In fact, I think she’s thrilled to have someone in the house who isn’t Brad. Do you remember him?”

  “Yeah. Sort of.”

  Just then heavy steps alerted them and Coop appeared carrying a coffeepot and three mugs. “Want to join me?”

  Kylie felt Ashley look at her. Apparently it was to be her decision. A moment of amusement passed through her. Glenda swore she wasn’t interested in Coop. Now she wondered if Ashley was. “Love to,” she answered. Regardless of how she might be feeling, she could see no point in interfering with Ashley’s romantic interest.

  Coop poured and passed the coffee around and set the pot on a coaster. “If I’m a fifth wheel, tell me.”

  Kylie shook her head. “You’re fine. We were talking about my amnesia. We might as well talk about it. It’s kind of lying there in the middle of everything.”

  Coop sat on the other end of the couch. “So...how much did you lose?”

  “About three years for sure,” she said honestly. “All my time in Denver, all my schooling and training there...it’s a big blank. I don’t even remember people who were apparently my friends. The thing that also worries me is I don’t know if I have other blanks from earlier in my life.”

  He lifted one corner of his mouth. “I think we all have those blanks.”

  “That’s what Glenda said.” But she felt a burst of resentment. Having amnesia wasn’t something to be minimized. Not being able to trust your own memory at all wasn’t something to be brushed aside. But railing about it would only make these people feel bad, and all they were trying to do was make her feel better. God, this whole thing had turned her into some kind of mess.

  Apparently Coop was better at understanding people than she would have expected from a marine. He spoke quietly. “I’m not trying to be dismissive, Kylie. Not at all.”

  “No,” she agreed, the irritation remaining with her. “Everyone’s trying to be reassuring. And, yeah, I get that most of us don’t have the best memories, and that we all forget things, but it’s different when you lose three whole years!”

  She heard her own voice rise with vehemence and didn’t care. Let them deal with it. It stank. All of it stank. Being attacked and nearly killed would have been bad enough all on its own, but losing a big chunk of her life? Losing all that work toward her master’s degree?

  It was as if some part of her brain had simply shut down the sections labeled “Denver” and “Grad School.” She hoped she never remembered the attack. If that was all she had forgotten, she’d gladly live with it. But she had lost a whole lot more, and now she had to wonder what other things were lost that shouldn’t have been. Sure, everyone had holes in their memories, but usually they forgot unimportant things. She couldn’t be sure she hadn’t lost the important ones.

  Then shame pierced her. “I’m sorry. You’re both trying to be so nice.”

  “Well, maybe,” Ashley said, “us being nice isn’t what you need. Do you want me and the girls to stay away for a while, give you a chance to settle? Because honestly, Kylie, I’ve never dealt with anyone with amnesia before. You’re going to have to tell me what you want and what you don’t want.”

  “That’s just it. I don’t think I know.” Kylie dropped her head against the back of the chair and closed her eyes. “It’s weird, Ashley. I keep feeling like I’m meeting myself for the first time and I don’t know who I am anymore. I remember who I used to be. But who am I now?”

  Coop spoke slowly. “I realize I’m a stranger here and should probably just keep my mouth shut...”

  Kylie opened her eyes and looked at him. “Just say it.” At this point she had no idea who might hold a key that would unlock the tension inside her and just allow her to move on. Because moving on was her only choice, and she really couldn’t un
derstand why she was resisting it, fighting it, as if nothing mattered but remembering.

  “There are a lot of ways life can give us that feeling,” he said quietly. “I’ve had it a few times myself. An experience that completely changes you. Now admittedly, I knew exactly what I’d been through that caused it, but I do understand the feeling. It’ll pass, Kylie. Whether you regain your memory or not, eventually you accept that who you are now is all you are now.”

  “Wise words,” she said quietly.

  He shook his head a little. “I’m no sage. I’m just trying to tell you that what you’re feeling is a natural response to a huge change.”

  She propped her chin in her hand and closed her eyes, thinking about it. He was right. But so was she. Life had stolen something priceless from her, and she didn’t think she was going to be happy about that anytime soon. But wondering who she was? Maybe that was a pointless exercise.

  Ashley spoke. “You’re looking tired, Kylie. I’ll leave now and let the girls know you’re okay. Or Coop can tell Connie.”

  “You go ahead,” Coop said. “I’ve been temporarily banished for the crime of overstimulating kids.”

  Ashley laughed. “The two young ones wind up faster than a top. How long is your banishment?”

  “Only until tomorrow morning. Then I’ll be in demand again.”

  Kylie watched Ashley rise and head for the door, Coop right behind her, playing the host. Or maybe he was interested in her, too. Ashley was beautiful, all right, with that strawberry blonde hair, a color no one would ever get out of a bottle. Next to her, Kylie felt plain, not that she’d ever minded before.

  But then Ashley was gone and it was just her and Coop. She hadn’t touched the coffee he’d poured, but he grabbed the mugs and carried them to the kitchen, and when he returned with them, he poured more for both of them.

  “You want me to be scarce?” he asked. “I do know how.”

  She looked at him and envied him. “Right now I wish I were in your skin.”

  A surprised sound escaped him. “What?”