A Soldier in Conard County Read online

  He emptied his plate in short order and Miri pushed the casserole dish toward him. “I’m not counting on leftovers. Eat, Gil.”

  He was happy to oblige. Hot meals were still a treat.

  “From what Al used to talk about, I guess you’ve seen a whole lot of the world.”

  He raised his gaze, feeling himself grow steely again. Some matters were not to be discussed with civilians. “Not from a tourist perspective,” he said, closing the subject. A subject he’d opened himself, talking about Nepal. But it needed to be closed.

  She nodded slowly, her blue eyes sweeping over his face. “Stay here tonight,” she said finally. “You can decide about the barbecue tomorrow.”

  He was content to leave it there.

  Chapter Two

  Morning arrived, still dark, but already promising a beautiful day. Miri made pancakes and eggs for breakfast. The tall stack of cakes disappeared fast, with much appreciation from Gil.

  “Do you cook?” she asked eventually, making idle conversation over coffee before she cleared the table.

  “Over an open fire I’m passable. A can of paraffin even better.” He shook his head a little. “When we could, anyway. At base camp we often took turns cooking for each other, but my efforts weren’t especially appreciated.”

  She smiled. “So you got out of it?”

  “Often as not. Whatever the knack is, I missed it.”

  She rose, took the plates to the counter and looked at the thermometer outside her window. Sunshine had begun to spill over the eastern mountains, brightening the morning.

  “It’s going to be a beautiful day,” she remarked. “The forecast said we’re going to reach the upper sixties, and we’re already at sixty-one. A great day for a midwinter barbecue.”

  She waited, wondering if he’d respond to the open invitation about the barbecue, but he said nothing. He sipped coffee, his gaze faraway, and she admitted at last that this guy wasn’t about to share much of himself. Safe little tidbits here and there, but no more. Or maybe, despite the passage of time, he was still somewhere else, perhaps the place he’d been wounded. She couldn’t imagine the difficulty he must experience transitioning between worlds. Maybe it was never easy. Perhaps it was harder under these circumstances.

  She spoke, daring herself to ask. “Does your body feel like a stranger to you?”

  One brow lifted. “How did you guess?”

  “Well, it just crossed my mind. You’re used to being in top physical form. That’s gone now, at least for a while. You must be frustrated.”

  “Not exactly the word I’d choose, but it’ll do. Let me help as much as I can with the dishes. I need to be moving.”

  “Betsy said you could settle in and hold court today if you come.” Miri waited, nearly holding her breath.

  “I’ll go,” he said after a minute, then pushed his chair back. “But I doubt I’ll hold court. Not my style.”

  He managed to wash all the dishes and put them in the drain rack without any assistance from her. She had to admit to enjoying watching a man scrub her dishes while she sipped a second cup of coffee.

  He was a good-looking man, too. Not as ramrod straight and stiff as at the funeral, which had been kind of intimidating. This version of Gil looked a whole lot more relaxed and approachable. Even if it was discomfort causing it.

  When at last he dried his hands and returned to the table, she noticed the fine sheen of sweat on his forehead. “You did too much,” she said instantly.

  “I did very little, and it’ll do me no good to sit on my duff and stiffen up. Don’t worry about me. I won’t push my limits too far. This isn’t some kind of contest.”

  Firmly but kindly put in her place. The man didn’t want anyone worrying about him. Okay then. She could manage that. She couldn’t even feel slightly offended. This was a spark of the man she’d seen at the funeral. She was glad to know he was still in there. Living around here, it was possible to get to know veterans who had a lot of trouble returning. She supposed it was unlikely that Gil wouldn’t have any problems as a result of his wounding and time at war, but she hoped they were minimal.

  “You must still be missing Al,” he remarked.

  “Yes. You?”

  “Damn near every day. You know, even when you’re in the midst of the most dangerous situations imaginable, you don’t believe the bad stuff’s going to happen to you.”

  “How could you?” she asked. “You’d be paralyzed.”

  “Maybe. What I do know is that we don’t think about it until it’s shoved into our faces, like when Al was killed, and then we have to shove it back into a lockbox. Anyway, he had plans. I was supposed to come here with him and help with the family ranch. I guess I told you that.”

  Gil was rambling a little, she thought, but no more than most people in casual conversation. At least he was talking.

  “Al,” he said again. “Damn. Ever the optimist. He could find a reason to be happy about cold beans on a subzero night.”

  That was Al. That was definitely the Al she remembered. “I take it you’re not as much of an optimist?”

  “Maybe I was, too much, anyway. Doesn’t matter. Here we are.” He gave her a faint, almost apologetic smile.

  “Are you going back to duty?” she dared to ask.

  “Yes.”

  There was a firmness to the way he said the word that again suggested a line had been drawn in the sand. “Do you have any idea when?”

  “Not yet. Probably as soon as they feel I’m well enough to play desk jockey for an eight-or twelve-hour day.”

  “So...you won’t be going back into the field?”

  “No.” A single uncompromising word. A warning to back off.

  She could have sighed, except she knew she had no right to be asking many questions. He’d wanted to come out here for some reason...and she suspected it wasn’t just to tell the family amusing stories about Al. All she’d done was offer him a bed and a few meals. He didn’t owe her anything, certainly not answers to questions he might consider to be prying.

  Apparently, he must have caught something in her expression. Much as she schooled herself to keep a straight face when necessary, because her young students picked up on even the subtlest of clues, she must have just failed. He spoke.

  “Sorry to be so abrupt.”

  “It’s okay,” she said swiftly. “You’re not feeling well...”

  “Feeling unwell has nothing to do with it. Months of arguing with my family does. I’m not retiring, much as they may want me to, and if I can get back into shape for the field I will.”

  Now she wondered if getting away from his family had been his primary reason for traveling this way. “Families are harder to handle than combat missions?”

  He astonished her by cracking an unexpected laugh. “Are you suggesting I turned tail?”

  “I don’t believe I said that.”

  For the first time she saw a spark of something in those flinty eyes. Heat? Humor? She couldn’t read it. “No, you didn’t. What time is this barbecue and what can I do to help?”

  * * *

  Because night fell so early in the winter, the barbecue had been planned for midday. By noon, Miri had two huge containers of potato salad in the back of her sport SUV, along with four paper bags full of hamburger buns. There’d be leftovers, but she was sure they wouldn’t go to waste.

  She hesitated, wondering if she should tell Gil to follow her or invite him to ride with her. If he had his own vehicle he could leave whenever he wanted. She stood there, feeling the delightfully warm air blowing over her neck and into the open front of her jacket.

  Gil addressed the question first. Apparently he wasn’t shy about organizational matters. “Want me to follow you or ride with you?”

  “Will you want the freedom to take off? Because once I get there, I’m going
to be there for at least a couple of hours.”

  “I think that I can manage a couple of hours,” he said wryly.

  “Then hop in.”

  The ride out to the Baker ranch required nearly an hour of slogging over bumpy roads. Pavement had begun to buckle as usual when water had seeped into cracks and then froze. Gravel roads hadn’t been graded in a while. Miri concentrated on driving and left Gil with his own thoughts. She figured if he wanted conversation he knew how to start one.

  It was nice to have her window cracked open during the drive. The ground hadn’t really started to thaw, and all the growing things were still locked into their winter naps. But the air was fresh and after a few months of mostly enjoying it for only a few minutes, Miri was glad to indulge more than she’d been able to the last few days.

  The Bakers had set up a sign pointing to an elevated area of paddock for parking. Dead grasses were thick, and if the ground started melting it should drain fast enough to ensure no one got stuck in mud. A lot of cars had already arrived, and as Miri parked she got a sudden whiff of barbecue grills heating up and the unmistakable scent of smoking meat.

  Betsy had pulled out all the stops. Miri guessed nearly forty people had already arrived. Folding tables groaned under offerings, and a stack of paper plates on one of the tables was held down by a snow globe paperweight. A perfect touch.

  Gil helped her carry one container of potato salad, leaning heavily on his cane as he did so. He didn’t appear steady on uneven ground yet. Miri grabbed the other, plus the bags of burger buns, and they made their way over to the only empty table left.

  Betsy didn’t let them get far. Wearing a light jacket, she swooped in, smiling. “I’m so glad you decided to come, Gil. Al always said he was going to bring you out here. I’m just sorry you couldn’t get here sooner.”

  As soon as they had deposited their offerings on the table, Betsy gave Gil a tight hug. He seemed a bit uncomfortable and awkwardly patted her shoulder.

  Miri cataloged that for future consideration. Walled off. Totally walled off.

  Betsy took Gil with her, introducing him around. Miri smiled faintly and bent her attention toward getting the potato salad ready to serve and putting her buns with others.

  Then she wandered over to join her uncle Jack, whose smoker was emitting delicious aromas. “Did you start smoking yesterday?” she asked him.

  “How else do you barbecue? You doing all right with Al’s friend?”

  “Gil’s a pleasant guy. Restrained.”

  “Shut down, most like,” Jack answered. “I could see it in Al. Do you remember? It was like every time he came home he’d left another piece of himself behind.”

  Those weren’t the memories of her cousin that Miri was trying to cherish, but she felt her stomach tighten as she acknowledged the truth of what Jack had said. War had been cutting away pieces of Al for years.

  Or causing him to lock them away. “Jack? Why do they keep on doing it?”

  “What do I look like? A shrink?” He lifted the lid on the huge smoker and began basting the ribs. “Almost done.” He said nothing for a few minutes. “I can only answer for Al. He felt a real sense of duty. A need to serve. And, to be brutally honest, maybe a little adrenaline addiction. Anyway, I think Al was always testing himself for some reason. I don’t know what his measuring stick was, but he seemed to me to be using one. But all that’s my guess, Miri, and it may not apply to Gil at all.”

  Finished basting that side, he turned the meat with tongs and basted some more. Then he closed the smoker lid. “Not much longer. That’s almost to the point of falling off the bone.” He stepped back, hanging his tongs on a rack at the end of the smoker, and looked around. “Seems like almost everyone’s here. And Gil has found himself a place.”

  Miri turned to look, too. An interesting place, she thought. The old sheriff, Nate Tate, was sitting in the group, a man who had served in the special forces in Vietnam, followed by thirty years as sheriff here. He’d been retired for nearly a decade now and didn’t look a day older. But it wasn’t just Nate Tate who made the group interesting. Gil had been found by a phalanx of vets, among them Seth Hardin and a few others who had served in special forces. Even Jess MacGregor, who’d been a combat medic, had joined them.

  Edie Hardin, who had her own experiences of combat, had gravitated with her and Seth’s child to a group of women. Billy Joe Yuma, formerly a medevac pilot in Vietnam and now director of the county’s emergency services, had not joined the group around Gil.

  Miri studied the group dynamics and wondered what was going on. The meeting of some kind of elite club, no outsiders welcome? Or something else.

  Jack spoke. “Go join ’em.”

  “I don’t belong.”

  “Exactly.” Jack gave her a little nudge. “This is a barbecue to make Betsy happy, not to create a support group.”

  He had a point. Miri took a couple steps in the direction of the knot of men, then hesitated. There might be a good reason for that huddle. She also suspected there were stories about Al that would never be repeated to Betsy, but that Gil could share with these men of similar backgrounds. Maybe that was cathartic for a man who said very little. Except that he didn’t appear to be sharing much. The others were talking, and occasionally a bark of laughter would punctuate the otherwise quiet conversation.

  There were other clusters, as well. Nearly sixty people. They’d hardly congregate into one large crowd. Miri had been to lots of large gatherings as a teacher, and crowd breakout was common. Conversation became easier.

  Jack was right, however. This barbecue, while ostensibly to welcome Gil back, was really about giving Betsy some happiness again. Not since the funeral had she joined in any social events, but now she had organized one in an amazingly brief span of time. And everyone she had called had evidently arrived to support her and Jack.

  Gil was only a small part of it, as Al’s best friend.

  Betsy had decided to rejoin life. For that alone, Miri would feel eternally grateful to Gil. He’d provided the push she needed, the excuse.

  So what did Jack expect her to do? Go break up that huddle of men? She didn’t think Betsy would want that, especially since she’d said Gil could just find a comfortable chair and hold court—or not come at all if he didn’t want to.

  Gil was the excuse. Betsy was the one smiling for the first time in ages, having a bit of a hen party around the folding tables that held enough food for an army. Three other men were working grills with hamburgers, hot dogs and bratwursts.

  They were going to need another sixty people to eat all this, Miri thought with amusement. She hoped everyone took home leftovers.

  Some folks were eating, some still working on longnecks. Miri decided to go join Betsy and her coterie.

  She was welcomed warmly by the women, most of whom she’d known all her life, and returned a tight hug from Betsy. She looked into her aunt’s eyes and saw their warm brown depths cloudless for the first time in ages.

  “Isn’t this fun?” Betsy asked. “And all the more special because we can do it in the middle of winter.”

  “It is awesome,” Miri replied. “Thaw or not, I wouldn’t have thought of it.”

  Betsy smiled. “I’m glad I did.” She leaned in a bit. “We have to carry on, Miri. You know that. But this is the first time since...then that I’ve actually felt like doing it.” She turned and looked toward Gil and the group of vets. “Most of them were Al’s friends, you know. At least when he was home. I’m glad they’re talking to Gil.”

  “You don’t want to?”

  Betsy looked at her once more. “Later, if you’re still around. In a couple of hours the temperature will start dropping again as we head into night, and I think nearly everyone will have left. But Jack was talking about building a fire in the fire pit if you and Gil want to hang around for a little while. Meantime, it looks like
Jack is pulling those ribs off the smoker. Want to help?”

  Miri helped Betsy carry large platters over to the smoker and Jack began piling half racks of beef ribs on them.

  “The aroma,” Miri said, closing her eyes and inhaling. “Jack, it smells like heaven.”

  “So go dig in.” Jack winked as she opened her eyes. “I heard the potato salad you brought is great. Same for the coleslaw Betsy made.”

  It didn’t take long for the ribs to disappear onto plastic plates. Ceremony was abandoned as people used their fingers to eat meat that was falling off the bone. Someone had brought Gil a plate laden with meat and potato salad, and he was soon eating with the group around him.

  Miri was going to let it go, but it occurred to her that those guys had Gil walled off. Maybe there was a reason for it, but it was possible that others at the gathering might want a few words with him. It wasn’t as if nobody knew who he was, or his relationship with Al. Betsy had made sure of that.

  So she wandered that way with her ribs and coleslaw, and instead of being cut out, she was welcomed, immediately given a chair while one of the men went to find another.

  “You guys having fun?”

  “At a barbecue?” Seth Hardin asked. “You better believe it.” He cocked his head toward the right. “See my dad? He’s practically holding court over there.”

  “People love him, Seth. They always have.”

  “Well, not always,” Seth replied with a crooked grin. “He says he raised hell in his youth. Anyway, at least Edie could come and bring the youngster with us. I suppose I ought to take my share of responsibility here or Edie will never eat.” He nodded toward Gil. “You take care, man. See you before you leave, I hope.”

  Then Seth beelined toward his father, the old sheriff Nate Tate, and his wife and baby.

  Breaking into the exclusive circle had an interesting effect. Some of the vets remained. Others left to go join their wives. Soon other women took the emptied seats and the whole context changed. Conversation began to revolve around local events, and different people took turns clueing Gil in, trying to make him feel a part of the community. He smiled faintly, nodded as he listened and ate, and said very little.