A Conard County Baby Page 6

  “Hell,” he muttered. Maybe she would give him heartburn. Under his roof, he now had a woman who was both pregnant and a rape victim. Not to mention the treatment her family had showed her. He reckoned she probably needed some professional help with all that. Who wouldn’t?

  Crap.

  Well, it was a good reminder for him. The way Hope had been treated by her family stood like a warning flag about his relationship with Angie. He owed his daughter more than a roof, food and clothes. He just had to find a way to provide it that she wouldn’t reject out of hand.

  Maybe, just maybe, Hope could bridge the gap somehow. Even if she only eased Angie’s isolation and anger, it would be a help.

  When he got inside, he found a note from Hattie telling him what was in the freezer and fridge and a reminder that Monday was laundry day. She also told him that with an extra person, she needed to do some grocery shopping and would bring him the bill on Monday, as well.

  Bless Hattie. She was a lifesaver. Once he’d started to grow his herd, taking care of the cooking and cleaning as well had become difficult. Things had started to become unmanageable, and Hattie had stepped in. She made it possible for him to occasionally take breathers in the evening. He even had a dream of someday being able to hire a foreman he could trust so he could handle more of the business end. Not that he really wanted to give up his time outside looking after things, but as his operation grew, he had to stay on top of a whole lot of clerical stuff, too. Every freaking bale of hay, every repair, every single cow had to be accounted for. It sometimes seemed as if he was being slowly turned into a bean counter.

  He knew cattle, always had, but the rest of it...well, he still found himself on a steep learning curve, usually enhanced by a quarterly visit from his accountant.

  He hung his hat on a peg by the back door, jacked his boots off and padded in his socks to find out what was going on in his house. It was certainly quiet.

  He grabbed a cup of coffee from what appeared to be a fresh pot and went on the hunt to discover the day’s disaster.

  He found Hope all by herself in the living room. She held a book he recognized, one of the novels from his bookshelf. She looked up and smiled. Boy, that smile. It was nice to see on her face and made her even prettier. Her moss-green eyes were warm.

  “Hi,” she said. “Good day?”

  “Got everything done I needed to.” Which was pretty much his measure of any day. “Angie get home?”

  “Shortly after four. She’s upstairs.”

  He looked up, amazed at the quiet. “Anything happen?”

  “I think she was disappointed that I suggested we wait until morning to go riding, but it’s clouding over and I didn’t know how much light we’d have.”

  “Good decision. How’d she react?”

  “About how anyone her age would.” Hope bit her lower lip and closed the book she held. “Cash, I promised her that I wasn’t going to spy on her. I also told her that I wasn’t going to repeat my conversations with you. I’ll tell you anything I think you need to be concerned about, but really, I’ll never gain her trust if she feels I’m reporting every little thing to you.”

  “You’re right.” He hadn’t thought about that. As he settled on his armchair, he remarked, “I was just trying to take the emotional temperature around here.”

  At that Hope’s lovely lips pursed a bit and her eyes almost danced. “I’m sure you’ll find out eventually.”

  “No doubt. How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine. I hope you don’t mind me borrowing a book.”

  “Absolutely not. Otherwise?”

  She leaned forward a bit and appeared a little excited. “Hattie’s going to teach me how to cook and clean.”

  He was startled. “And that makes you happy?”

  “You bet. You have some idea how I was raised. Things have changed and it’s time for me to learn how to take care of myself and my baby. It’s not enough to be a pretty bauble who engages in acceptable amusements.”

  He turned that around in his head. “Can you tell me something?”

  “If I know.”

  “Would you have been happy continuing that kind of life, assuming everything hadn’t gone to hell with Scott?”

  “Truthfully, I never really thought about it.” She shook her head a little. “I was raised to a certain life, Cash. I didn’t question it. My future role was to be a wife, a mother, an adjunct to some man’s career. The role grew a little when I became engaged to Scott, but it seemed important and sufficient. So I never really thought about it.”

  “And now? Would you go back if you could get this sorted out?”

  “No.”

  The vehemence of her tone surprised him. “That angry?”

  “Partly. But I finally realized something that probably sounds pretty stupid. Money isn’t everything, and it can go away fast. The only thing you can really rely on is yourself. I have to be able to care for myself and my baby. I owe it to my child.”

  He nodded slowly. “But there are other things you can rely on. Like friends. Maybe not your old ones, but you might make some good new ones who will be there for you. Take me. I look pretty self-sufficient out here running a cattle ranch on my own, but I guarantee you I couldn’t make it without good neighbors. They help me out a whole lot and I try to return the favor. Nobody really makes it solo. We all need community.”

  “I left mine behind, I guess.”

  “Apparently for good reason. Why couldn’t you even tell your friends what was going on?”

  “I didn’t have any unsupervised contact with them. Because the scandal would have gotten out. I told you I was pretty much under house arrest, and it was made clear to me that I couldn’t tell anyone what had happened. Spreading lies, they called it. Regardless, while it might have made me feel better to be able to talk to one of my girlfriends, I doubt I would have been believed, anyway. Scott a rapist? I can just hear the reactions.”

  He could well imagine them. The pair were engaged, maybe she’d misunderstood or overreacted, and yeah, that guy meant to be senator couldn’t possibly have done such a thing. With everyone knowing everyone else, it would have been hard to accept. Rapists weren’t people you knew and respected. They were nameless, faceless threats that emerged from the darkness.

  He suspected that Hope would have been the one facing the chorus of disapproval and criticism from every direction. From what little he knew of the subject, date rape was pretty hard to prove, anyway.

  So, if she’d spoken up, she still would have been the outcast, victimized all over again.

  “I’m sorry,” he said at last. “The dynamics were horrible, weren’t they?”

  She nodded. Her smile was long gone, and he had himself to blame for that. He’d brought up the ugliness, but he didn’t regret it. This woman needed someone on her side, someone who would listen to her and believe her.

  He had surprisingly little trouble believing her. Maybe because he didn’t know Scott. Her family’s actions bothered him most of all, though. Not that he had any right to judge. For screwed-up parent of the year, he probably deserved high honors, to judge by Angie. He didn’t know a lot of the reasons they’d never connected when she was younger, but clearly he had failed way back and was now facing a mountain at least partly of his own making.

  “You look annoyed,” Hope said.

  He glanced at her again and realized that given what they had been talking about, she had no idea the direction his thoughts had taken.

  “I am annoyed,” he admitted. “Thinking about the way your family treated you got me thinking about Angie and our relationship. I sure screwed up something, and it started way back. It was like she didn’t want to see me or spend time with me. I’d go down to Arizona for a few days to spend time with her, and it was like trying to hug an icicle. I someti
mes wondered what her mother said about me.”

  “Was your ex angry with you?”

  “Isn’t that what most divorce is about? And it was my fault, I guess. My dad had died, I was trying to build up this place and pay off a load of debt and I doubt I was a very good husband. Too busy, too preoccupied, no time for fun or going places. Sandy knew ranch life, but she’d also had a life of her own before we married. Time to spend with friends and so on. That kind of blew away.”

  “All work and no play?”

  “That’s pretty much it. In all fairness, I don’t think she was being too demanding, but she needed more than an absent husband, which I guess I was emotionally and mentally. After the first rush wore off, anyway. She got the bad end of the deal, left to her own resources too much. When I look back at it, it’s like we were leading separate lives even before Angie was born.”

  “Are you always so ready to accept the blame for everything?”

  He looked at her, then laughed. “Just trying to be fair.”

  Footsteps sounded on the stairs and their conversation froze. Moments later Angie appeared.

  “Conspiring?” she asked. The question didn’t sound either friendly, or like a joke.

  Hope spoke first, saving Cash from having to admit he’d been talking about the girl’s mother. “I was telling your dad about all the things I’m going to be learning. For one, Hattie is going to teach me to cook.”

  Angie remained as she was for what felt like forever, then she edged a few steps into the room. “You don’t know how to cook? At all?”

  “Well, I can microwave. I make mean microwave popcorn.”

  “That’s really bad,” Angie said bluntly. “Everybody knows how to cook at least some.”

  “Well, I’d be happy to take you as a teacher if you’re willing,” Hope said warmly.

  “I’ll think about it. When’s dinner?”

  “Hungry?” Cash asked. “Hattie left a meal in the fridge. Want me to heat it now?”

  “I can do that.”

  Cash hoped astonishment didn’t show on his face. Angie had never before offered to help with anything. Then the girl looked at Hope. “Come on, I’ll show you how.”

  Cash was on the outs again, but he didn’t mind. He chose to see this as a good sign. Maybe Hope would be able to go places that he couldn’t, at least not yet.

  Chapter Four

  Dinner the night before hadn’t been too bad, Hope thought as she dressed for riding the following morning. Angie had been abrupt and a bit distant as she showed Hope how to heat the casseroles, and added a bag of premixed salad fixings to a bowl with bottled dressing on the side.

  During dinner, however, her iciness toward her father had been evidenced by her utter silence and her quick escape afterward, leaving Hope with an opportunity to learn how to use the dishwasher.

  “I think you’re having an inhibiting effect on her behavior,” Cash remarked as he introduced her to the fine art of cleaning up after a meal and putting away leftovers.

  “That probably won’t last,” Hope had responded. She wondered how long her grace period would endure.

  Now they were to meet for a ride. If Angie had eaten breakfast, Hope had no idea. Cash was already gone when she got up, leaving a note that he’d left to help out a neighbor and wasn’t sure when he’d be back.

  The girl was waiting for her in the kitchen, dressed in jeans, cowboy boots and a jacket.

  “Would you mind if I ate something first?” Hope asked.

  Angie waved a hand. “Help yourself. Cereal in the cupboard beside the refrigerator, or you can make toast.” Then Angie paused and an almost impish expression appeared on her face. “Can you make toast?” she asked.

  Hope had to smile. “I may have been very privileged once, but I did make my own toast. I think I can handle it.”

  “Amazing,” Angie said, then resumed her silent brooding.

  Hope made her toast without a problem, and spread it with peanut butter. With a cup of tea, she joined Angie at the table.

  “Is it hard getting used to a new school?” she asked, hoping she wouldn’t get her head bitten off. “I never had to do it.”

  “It seems like there were a lot of things you never had to do before,” Angie retorted.

  “True,” Hope agreed. “I’m not proud of it.”

  “No? I bet you had everything you wanted.”

  Hope hesitated, her heart accelerating a bit. Painful memories wanted to return, reminding her that she still had a lot to deal with. She’d been so frantic, angry and depressed since this all blew up, that she’d wound up being almost obsessive about getting away. Funny thing was, while she’d fled, she’d taken most of her troubles along with her and added a few more. But staying had been out of the question.

  “Well?” Angie demanded.

  “For a long time I thought I did,” Hope said carefully.

  “What changed?”

  “I grew up. The hard way.” God, she didn’t like to talk about this, and talking about it with a thirteen-year-old seemed cruel. She didn’t want to destroy Angie’s illusions unnecessarily, but on the other hand, maybe Angie had already had enough of them dashed. She’d mentioned a restraining order, and then there was her mother’s unexpected death. She wondered if Cash even knew about the order, or that Angie had been afraid because of it.

  “Well?” Angie prodded.

  “Short story,” Hope finally said. “I discovered the man I was engaged to was a monster, and I discovered my family cared more about him than me.”

  Angie didn’t speak for a long time while Hope nibbled at her toast.

  “I get it,” she said finally. “Except my mother loved me.”

  “I’m sure she did.”

  “My dad doesn’t.”

  “You may change your mind about that. He’s certainly worried about you.”

  “Yeah, enough to get someone else to keep an eye on me.”

  Hope didn’t know how to answer that. Just as she took another bite of her toast, Angie spoke again.

  “That restraining order I told you about?”

  “Yes?”

  “It was because I told my mom that her boyfriend was trying to do dirty things with me.”

  The toast in Hope’s mouth turned to sawdust. She couldn’t even speak as an Arctic wind seemed to blow through her. At last she grabbed a paper napkin and spit out the toast as best she could. “Did he...?”

  “I guess not. But he was sure on his way.”

  “I am so sorry.” Words were useless. Hope’s heart cramped so painfully that it was hard to draw breath. “So sorry,” she said again, pushing her plate away. “And so glad your mother believed you. Sometimes mothers don’t.”

  Angie lifted her head, and her dark eyes bored into Hope. “Is that what happened to you? Your mother didn’t believe you?”

  “Nobody believed me.” Hope squeezed her eyes shut, battling down the rising agony for Angie and herself.

  “Stupid people,” Angie said. “Stupid, stupid.” Then she jumped up from the table and dashed out the back door as if trying to escape what she had just said.

  Hope struggled against her own pain. Grabbing her jacket, she hurried after Angie, trusting that a little jogging wouldn’t hurt the baby. How would she know? She hadn’t even talked to a doctor yet. Cash was right—she needed to see one soon.

  But worry about her child took a backseat to her concern about Angie for the moment. She hoped the girl didn’t try to run off because she had no idea how far she could follow, or if she could even keep up. If Angie turned up missing...

  But Angie was waiting outside the barn, her icy mask again firmly in place. When Hope thought about all the pain that mask was hiding, she figured her own story hardly compared. Yes, she’d been raped. Yes,
nobody believed her. Yes, they wanted her to get rid of her child or marry her rapist, but she was an adult. Angie was not. She seemed like such a young, small package to be holding so much inside her.

  “You can ride?” Angie asked acidly.

  “I thought I told you I could. I used to be on a team and compete, actually.” The words came out of her breathlessly after her trot. “But you’re still going to have to help me. Riding Western style is new to me.”

  “It’s easy, especially on the horses Dad lets me ride.”

  “That’s good to know.”

  Angie looked her over. “You’re out of shape. That wasn’t a very long run.”

  A little bubble of nearly hysterical laughter rose in Hope. Yes, she was probably out of shape, but mostly because of a baby and too much confinement. “I’ll work on it.”

  Inside the barn they were greeted by one of the hired hands, a man called Ed. He was busy forking fresh hay into the stalls.

  “A visit from two lovely ladies,” he said with a smile.

  “We’re going riding,” Angie said.

  “Glad to help.”

  Angie looked about to rebel, and Hope stepped in quickly. “Can we try, Ed? You can watch to make sure we do everything right, especially since I’m not used to Western tack, but I was taught every horsewoman takes care of her own mount and tack.”

  Ed nodded approvingly. “It’s true. Horses before self,” he opined. Then he said quietly, “Not Brutus, Angie. No one rides him but your dad. Okay?”

  “I need something gentle,” Hope said swiftly. “It’s been a while.”

  Angie didn’t look too happy at being nudged toward the horses that Cash had suggested yesterday. Hope was sure the girl wanted to gallop with the wind, but she gathered Angie wasn’t all that experienced yet, and besides, she didn’t know if it would be safe for herself.

  “We’ll graduate upward,” Hope remarked to Angie as they began to saddle their mounts. “I need baby steps right now.”